My husband and I have been married for over two wonderful years and the honeymoon stage has ended. I'm happy that it has, we've kept the fun, romantic, whimsical parts but let the awkward, figuring out how to live with each other stage behind. We're comfortable together, whether it's moving around each other one night in the kitchen or just lounging around the house together. I've never been a get up before your husband to put on make-up woman but at the same time those first months and even years you figure out how to be comfortable and completely vulnerable at the same time. No make-up, hair not done and frizzy, in sweats with no socks not worrying about how I look and knowing he adores me anyway. While I still get butterflies when he grabs me unexpectedly and kisses me I don't expect that warm and fuzzy feeling everyday like I did when I was a newly wed. Most of those warm and fuzzy feelings aren't true or real expectations of what a relationship is anyway just Hollywood's way of making a good chick flick. Last night it occurred to me that is how your relationship with God is too.
Most of us Christians expect warm and fuzzy feelings to hit us every time we're in church, pray, study but that's just not a real relationship. The relationship with Him is just like the one we have with our spouse, children, friends it's one that has to be cultivated, worked on and it goes through it's own bumpy stages.
Sometimes when I pray I feel like I have to push myself, every minute is an hour and I'm not sure how to step forward. Other times I can't think about anything else at work then getting home, sitting down with my Bible and absorbing more knowledge from Him. Just like any relationship some days are easier than others. Some days we sit down to pray and God through the Holy Spirit reveals more than we ever expected about the next step, what we should be doing, what to pray for etc. Other days we hear nothing and wonder if something is wrong, are we too nervous, did we make Him mad...why aren't we hearing anything. Just because you're not getting warm fuzzies doesn't mean it's a bad thing, perhaps it's a good thing because just like my husband and I have walked out of the "Honeymoon phase" so have I and God.
Just like any relationship there are highs and lows. Maybe something happened and even though deep down you know God didn't do it you struggle with that because you don't see how He could of let something so horrible happen. I've gone through some crud and several times I remember laying on my bed, crying, begging God to help me understand "why me?". I came across a blog today that I've been following of a mother that lost her 8 year old daughter. She's struggling with her faith, and it touched me. I've never met her, just follow her blog online drawn to it for some reason. I have never been there, where she is in that dark place but I have struggled with my faith all be it probably on a completely different level. I pray for her, and hope whoever reads this will too. That in this time of darkness, God will grant her peace and hold her hand even though she may not be holding back. That instead of pulling away from God, she will come to cling to Him and know Him as her rock.
I'm glad to realize that the "Honeymoon" phase is over and how that is a good thing. We're maturing in our relationship together Matthew and I are. I'm maturing in my relationship with God. It's such a blessing to be at a new phase!