Friday, December 21

Constantly Amazed

This week God has poured out in buckets blessings that continue to amaze. I haven't exactly been faithful in studing or spending time with Him. Prayer is about the only thing I remember to do and even then lately it's been my own needs and desires not interceeding for others. This week He has given me the perfect example of a forgiving parent who just wants to spoil His kids.

1. My leave time for materinty continues to work out, I'll have full four weeks no matter how it happens with possibly more.

2. I had the energy thanks to Him and the blessing was upon me at work enough to work extra time over the first several weeks in December. The overtime rained out so much I couldn't do what all was available. So we have some extra and the hubby and I are able to get each other Christmas gifts.

3. A friend paid me for help I gave unexpected. The budget for Christmas gifts for each other went up.

4. Just when I was starting to think about clothes for our little boy for the future a co-worker who has a little boy brought me a large box of hamidowns. All 6-9 months, a few 1 year things. She says she'll keep them coming. I don't think I'll have to buy clothes for him unless I want to until he's into 12 month clothes.

5. A co-worker gave me a gift card that I will be able to use to buy my hubby something extra special.

Not only are our needs being met but our desires are too, to such an extent we didn't even know what to put on our Christmas lists. We had both been okay with not getting much if anything, having our little boy was what we both are looking forward to the most. All else is over and above this year and such a blessing!

This Christmas has truly been a year that i've enjoyed. I'm being impatient about waiting for this little boy but beyond that I'm not stressed about family plans for the first time in over a decade. Could be because we aren't doing anywhere day of or Christmas Eve. Just us at home together, we may be bored but not traveling trying to split time, I can breathe. Now we'll have presents to open too. Oh and the bank account has more than we ever expected in it. God continues to rain down and I am in tears just thinking about how less than a month ago we second guessed how we where going to do anything. He is always present and always with us, He never leaves us or forgets!

Sunday, December 16

New Blog and other randomness...

I started a new blog to separate my ramblings and venting from the things God's laid on my heart. This new blog I'll share via Facebook etc. while this little piece of cyberspace I'll keep a little more private and separate. Here's the link if anyone that follows this random blog cares to follow the other.

http://ally-missionfield.blogspot.com/2012/12/guns-in-schools.html

I'm six days away from my due date and still pregnant. I know firsts rarely come early but boy would it be nice. After what happened Friday my husband and I both just want our little boy out so we can hold and cuddle with him and not let go. It got us thinking about schooling options and what we would like to do. It hit harder than it ever has before because now we're entrusted to protect someone so very special. After hearing such tragic news all I want to do is keep my little boy home forever.

We're both approaching the beyond bored mode. Everyone it telling us to enjoy it and in some ways we are but it's hard when you have everything wrapped up at work and nothing to go back to on Monday. The house is clean, my hubby even scrubbed the carpets and sorted/cleaned the fridge and freezer. The things that are left neither of us want to do, they aren't even needed more just busy work than anything. So we wait to see what birthday God has picked out for our little boy.

Friday, December 7

Brag

I have to brag real quick. I have the world's most amazing husband. I'm two weeks away from our due date, working extra as I have energy which means being away from home for 12 plus hours a day and he's taking care of everything! He gets up and makes my coffee, packs my lunch and sends me off. While I'm gone he takes care of everything, cleaning, cooking, bills, grocery lists. Then he picks me up from the bus at night and has everything ready for me so I can crawl into a warm shower and then bed without lifting a finger. He packed our bag for the hospital, set out the clothes he thought I'd like and made a list of the misc. last minute stuff so we won't forget anything if we have a hurried moment to the hospital. It was all laid out ready for me to review when I got home last night. He's taking care of everything so I can do what I need to at work and relax for the few hours I have at home at night. He's not complaining about the little amount of time he gets to see me because he knows its all for later and is so understanding. People sometimes question or look at us sideways when they find out he's at home and I work. But the thing is he does just as much as I do just in different ways, if not more considering I haven't had to vacum (the task I hate the most) in over two years.  He knows the things I don't like to do related to house cleaning and does them for me, for us. This morning he informed me he was going to tackle spots on the carpet, if I would of been more awake I may have hugged him and not let go. He definately deserves the World's Best Husband Award for everything he does for me. I know he'll get the Word's Best Dad Award soon enough too!!

Saturday, November 17

35 Weeks

A lot has happened in the past 35 weeks, more than I could of imagined when we first stepped out on this journey. Along the way I've been grateful God spoke through a high school student to reassure me months before everything would be okay. "No Complications" She didn't know what it meant, and at the time since we hadn't told anyone we were trying I wasn't in a place to tell her. Since then I have, because those two words have been such a comfort. The devil has tried to shake us and at times has but God continues to come through and help us back up.

There have been major losses during this pregnancy. Family members we've had to say goodbye to or watched others say goodbye to. A pet that had to be put down for unknown reasons. And several scares, a bump that turned out to be nothing after further tests and a blood test that came back positive for something that turned out to be okay in the end. In between cars have had to get fixed, things have been needed and not always have the funds been there. A friendship most likely lost, the best attempts look to have failed.

As we approach getting to meet our little boy I look back on it all not wondering why or questioning but almost thankful. I had to handle each situation well, I couldn't have a drink or eat crap or even cry too hard. Being pregnant I had to let the emotions come and handle them well so it wouldn't hurt the little boy growing and depending on me. While it would of been nice to not have any of those things happen, they did and we got through them with Him. Those two words reassuring us all along. In these last weeks we continue to hold on to them, to pray them back and are so thankful they were given to us to hold on to.

While truthfully I haven't enjoyed being pregnant, that also doesn't mean I'd change it. I don't like loosing control and being pregnant means your body changes without warning and without permission. You experience things that no one can warn you for because each persons is different. The woman that have pregnancies without sickness, discomfort and the unflattering stuff...well that's awesome. I haven't been one of them so I'm ready when it's safe for him, to get my body back. I'm happy we got pregnant and I'm happy and thankful he's healthy and almost here. I look forward to the days when I can enjoy him and not be dealing with leg cramps and constipation and a constantly stuffy nose.

I can't believe I only have 5 weeks left, possibly less. Now to figure out how to get the car seats in the car and what to pack, what little outfit we want to bring him home in. So excited for the cuddling!!

Sunday, September 9

the Little things

It's the little things sometimes that keep me going, hoping, my faith growing. We are at such an odd place in life, and ministry right now. I feel like God is slowly cutting all the strings, getting us untied and ready to leave at a moments notice. I know He has a plan and it's a great one but in the meantime it's awkward at times and lonely. So it's been in the little things I've taken comfort, since all the big ones are up in the air.

I'm thankful for
1. The little Seahawks jersey I found at a garage sale for $1 for my little boy. It's like a 2T but I don't care. If they make it to the playoffs this year I'm sure my hubby and I will put him in it just for kicks at only weeks old. It was sitting on the table, on the top like it was just for me.

2. We went out last night. As I've gotten older I'm more able and willing to request exactly what I want. I used to see my mom do it as a kid and was so embarrassed by it. Now I realize why she did it. If you're going to pay $40 or $50 on a dinner then you want to enjoy it. So I called ahead and reserved a booth for us. They are always more comfy then a table cramped in a tiny space sometimes getting your chair knocked by others. God cares even about the tiny stuff because when we got seated it was one around the corner on the edge of the bar by itself. My man had access to a tv, he was able to watch college football and it was enough off to the side we could actually hear each other talk.

Sometimes when you are still waiting on the big things in life, for God to show you where you should turn next it's the little things that you need to focus on to remember how much He cares. That you aren't alone. Over the past several months we've gotten rid of a lot, cleaned out, paired down. Looked at what we really want to keep, tossed what we haven't touched in a year. We're lighter and there is still more we can do. We're month to month in our lease. We followed God's voice and stepped out of the one ministry we were involved in. It's been hard but the more I look around the more I know God's preparing us. My heart is ready for a big change, I can leave this place I used to call home without big tears or heartache. It's the beginning of something big.

Monday, September 3

Random Thoughts

1. I think my cat is developing sibling rivalry with my little boy. I'm 6 months along and my cat continues to want to cuddle even more and not just cuddle but climb up on my tummy and be in my face cuddle. I've never been one of those to think that my cat is my kid, he's the family pet but over the last couple of months I'm starting to wonder if he knows the family is about to change. Did I mention he's big, not a kitten and it's not comfy to have him on my tummy...goodness.
2. Summer goes by too fast when you're an adult. I now get why so many told me to enjoy being young and find myself telling kids the same thing. I'm ready for fall, tea and cozy blankets but boy has time gone my fast this year.

3. Pregnancy - I can barely wait until December. It hasn't been one of those "I'm enjoying this" moments. The happy second trimester is pretty much over and it never happened for me. Matter a fact, it got worse in the second trimester for me. That could be why I barely have any photos and haven't written about it much. Writing about throw up, constipation and the constant state of tiredness isn't something I want to document very much, then again I think someone could make a sitcom out of it. You could put a funny twist on it, it could be a good comedy. The things no one tells you about pregnancy and the ways you'll gross out your husband. Oh and if I get one more dirty look for saying the truth from one of those moms who had a perfect pregnancy I may try and puke on her shoes. Just cause I'm not enjoying being pregnant doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to holding my little boy and knowing somehow as soon as I see him it will all be worth it. I can feel him kick and that makes me smile but my hubby can't yet. Apparently I have an anterior placenta, hoping it migrates to the back soon so he can feel him. This ride I'm on it like no other that's for sure!

4. Next stages - We took the leap and applied for a youth pastor position, didn't get it. It's hard, we both feel so detached from our home, our church, our current place. We feel completed here, ready to move and yet we haven't heard the answers as to where. This middle stage is difficult, the patience to wait quietly and pray. I haven't set up much baby stuff - wait I haven't set up any because we feel like we'll move before he's born but it's been difficult because that's not who I tend to be. I like things put together and decorated. Then again if this is where I need to be so God can move on our behalf, bring it. I'm happy to stay undecorated for however long He needs me to.

5. I better get to work, even with the day off I still have to work. Darn project. Okay I'm thankful my work situation continues to improve but I look forward to the time when my weekends will be my own again. Perhaps sometime soon.

6. I need to take more pics...hopefully becoming a mom will change that.

Wednesday, August 1

Chicken Anyone?

Since July 16 our social media, news, and nation have been lit up over one man's comments in one article. Today I am saddened and outraged over the comments my generation has made. From what I have read so far, many don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation - or they haven't properly educated themselves on the events that took place. Below I have researched what was said and offered some thoughts for those that have chosen to speak out of ignorance. For those that agree with me, thank you for your support. For those that disagree, I welcome your opinion because even though I believe it to be wrong I want our nation to remain one with Freedom of Speech and Religion so please USE YOUR FREEDOM! However, if you take what I say out of context or don't read my statements completely and leave an ignorant comment I have the freedom to delete it.

Below is a glimpse of the article where Dan Cathy made a statement in support of the biblical definition of family. I encourage everyone to follow the link at the end of the quote and read the whole article.

"Some have opposed the company's support of the traditional family."

"Well, guilty as charged," said Cathy when asked about the company's position.

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.

"We operate as a family business ... our restaurants are typically led by families; some are single. We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized.

"We intend to stay the course," he said. 'We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles.'" 


This quote is taken from the original source here: http://www.bpnews.net/bpnews.asp?id=38271

Soon after Mr. Cathy made this statement to the Baptist Press, the Mayor of Boston shared his thoughts on the matter with the Boston Herald.


But that isn’t cutting the mustard with Menino. He said he plans to fire off a letter to the company’s Atlanta headquarters “telling them my feelings on the matter.”

“If they need licenses in the city, it will be very difficult — unless they open up their policies,” he warned.

The quote is taken from an article in the Boston Herald here: http://bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1061147182 


I'd like to make several points not only on the comments made but also on the comments my peers have made which seem to come from uneducated assumptions.

1. You can't believe everything the media says, you must go out and find the source and read it directly. If you want to be treated as an educated individual do not make idiotic statements. I see people of my generation (I'm 25) believe what the local media outlet says far to often. From this comes stupid comments not made on facts but instead on the reporter's opinion or poorly conveyed article. Every media outlet in our nation today has a bias. It's a fact we have to live with. You want to see more objective reporting, try BBC (note I said more objective). So to make an educated statement in today's world living in the U.S. you need to go to the source and find the full article and ensure it hasn't been taken out of context etc. If you don't have time to do this, you probably shouldn't open your mouth!

2. I am seriously concerned that because of the uneducated statements my generation makes, we will continue to elect individuals who will lead this country away from what our constitution stands for. Not only that but if you call yourself a Christian, the two best things you can do for our nation is 1. PRAY and 2. VOTE RIGHTEOUSLY. I'll probably be writing a whole blog post soon on just that.

3. This is NOT a battle about chicken.

4. Why are so many people, including myself, outraged? One man in an article makes a statement of what he believes and how he chooses to live that is in support of Biblical marriage. From that, several mayors (including the Mayor of Boston quoted above) have come out and stated they will work against this man's company, so he can not open business in their cities because of his comment. Should I break it down for you: They are DISCRIMINATING against him for what he believes by stating they will do everything they can to block his business. They are holding his RELIGION against him. They are holding what he chose to SAY against him. You have government officials openly making statements against our constitutional rights of FREEDOM OF SPEECH and FREEDOM OF RELIGION.

Something to think about: Ben and Jerry's, a very well known ice cream company, openly supports homosexuals. They even had a specialty ice cream at one point to support gay marriage, entitled Apple-y Ever After. Did at any point government officials come out and say they would block the expansion of Ben and Jerry's in their cities, states etc. because of that belief? NO. And were people outraged? NO.

But on the other end of the spectrum, you have someone who doesn't support the way some individuals choose to live, is asked about it and honestly answered. Now his business, his livelihood, is being jeopardize. How is this right? It's not! He didn't even go as far as naming a chicken sandwich for the cause, he just simply answered a question.

5. So if you wonder why people are coming out in droves to support his business, it's because they feel that by government officials saying they plan to block his business it's in violation of our freedoms. While some, yes, are coming out to support him because they agree with his Christian beliefs as they too are Christians, most educated people are upset because they see this as jeopardizing our freedoms.

So before you go making an ignorant statement, try researching the topic from the real sources and seeing the real issues and then comment.

Personally, I think this man is brave and should be applauded!

Sunday, July 29

Preparation

Right now in this time we are preparing for so much. We sit and wait and prepare for our little boy. We buy clothes, toys, diapers, all the necessities. We look to the Lord for the wisdom and guidance in raising him. My husband and I both are comfortable with babies, it's the raising them to become strong men and women of God that overwhelms sometimes. So we start now. We look at how our parents raised us and talk of adjustments to try and improve on what they've done. We pray over our little boy even before conception. We take these nine months to prepare. 



At the same time we continue to prepare for that next step God has for us in ministry. I married my husband knowing he was called into ministry and knowing that accepting his proposal was taking that life on, that calling on as well. At times it's been challenging but it's also been one of the biggest blessings. Over the past year plus we've both felt we're in preparation mode. The church we attend hasn't felt home for us. I realized the other night I haven't felt at home in the state I've lived since I was four for the past several years. God's been preparing us, slowly steadily changing our hearts and preparing us for His ultimate plan. I remember the day we stood on the pier overlooking the Puget Sound, just engaged and knowing in my heart so deeply this wouldn't always be home. Matthew has felt the spirit of change recently. We both finally felt release to look for a ministry position and after much prayer have taken the leap of faith and applied for a position we believe is right for us. The past two years looking back I see God's hand all over every part of our lives. 



In my study tonight I ready James 2:1-4. It jumped off the page at me, almost as a gentle reminder from the Lord, when you get into that position of ministry be careful to treat everyone the same. How easily it is to speak to the students that are outgoing and easy to carry a conversation with or the students that reach out to you. How careful do we have to be to not treat those "preacher's kids" differently. Matthew and I both have a heart for those that aren't always on the "in" crowd. We were both there once ourselves so we notice those kids more easily. Even with the best intending kids, groups will form. It's part of our society and our nature, finding those that we are most comfortable with and then closing in. As those friendships begin to grow deeper we forget to include others and often times unknowingly begin to leave others out. I've seen the hurtful effects countless times over the past year of being involved in the youth group of our current church. I see it even in the adult groups. As leaders, as a future pastor's wife the example I set, the things I do will be scrutinized. While some expectations I may be held to may not even be fair there are things I'll have to hold up. As we continue to prepare for a full time ministry position, as the Lord continues to prepare us I am so grateful that he opens my eyes to versus like James 2:1-4 and I pray He will continue to do so. I desire to lead by example to the best of my ability and treat every child that comes across our path equally regardless of family circumstance, personality or abilities.

While we are still in the waiting to hear back mode we've been trying to find a healthy balance of looking forward and getting excited about a possible move at the same time not wanting to get ahead of ourselves. Whether it's the job we applied for or another one the Lord leads us to I know it will include a move and for the first time looking at all that surrounds us I won't miss it. If you would of told me five years ago as Matthew and I were just dating I would be moving I would of been in tears. Today, not one. Family of course will be hard to say goodbye to but at the same time moving on to what the Lord has next for us is so exciting. So much peace has covered this thought. Now it's just praying when that time does come our families will be as prepared for it as we are. So much preparation.

Monday, July 9

Waiting has to be the hardest part

Okay so I can't write long or even write all I want to about how faithful God has been. Let's just say every need that has come up has been met and those that haven't well I know in time listening to God they will be. Now I just need patience and lots of it as I still have a little over half of this pregnancy to go before I'm able to meet my little guy. I can't wait! Okay I can, I just wish I didn't have to. I think I've felt him moving several times now. Being a first time mom, I'm not a hundred percent sure but they say it's like little butterflys and I've definately felt that. Not all the time and usually days apart but when I do I can't help but slow down, smile and enjoy every second that I can feel him in there. Every time I see newborn photos I get slightly jealous as I so wish he was in my arms already! I know that first snuggle with him will be amazing, so joy filled and I look forward to it with everything I am! Now just 6 more months of being faithful, having faith that God will provide a way for me to take more than 4 weeks off with him. Still waiting to hear from the Lord about a ministry job for my hubby and where we should apartment hunt or if we're meant to stay where we are for another year. I could use a relocation but would be happy to stay in WA for another little bit. I'll go where ever He leads, and so grateful that He's taking care of my little one. So look forward to December 22 or the weeks around there. Oh how much I want to hold him already! Patience is the hardest part!!

Sunday, July 1

My small fry

As I prepare to welcome my little son or daughter into this world months from now I realize how important it is to me to offer everything I can to them. My husband thinks I'm a little silly, the fuss I make over the lack of a nursery we can make in this two bedroom apartment. He points out how it's more for me than the baby as he/she will never remember what it looks like, only pictures will ever capture it. It's an issue I've spent the last couple of days struggling with, I've made it to big in my head. I've let it take over too much of my thought life, one more thing to lay down before the Lord to let Him work on me. I realized the biggest thing in life I can offer to my child is knowing, loving and being transformed by God. Striving to constantly live a life that will be an example to them of how much He loves us, how much I love Him and how necessary and essential a relationship with Him is. All the things melt away when I think of this, nothing else matters but growing my relationship with Him so this little one can see Him in everything I am and do. I desire to love so deeply my child will be able to better understand the depths of God's love by seeing how my husband and I interact. How we show our love to him or her. Six months seems like such a sort time to get better at that. The last few months I've failed in so many ways. Grace, how much I owe to Him for his Grace. So many debts I can never pay. So thankful that even in my shortcomings He still loves! So excited to share that with my little small fry, to teach of His grace, mercy, love and strength. Sometimes I have a hard time comprehending them all myself and yet in this moment I know when the time comes the Holy Spirit will speak through me, will work in the gaps I leave. One of the biggest prayers I continue to pray over this child is the verse, if you raise him/her up in the way they should go, they'll never depart from it. So while I still get upset occasionally about the lack of nursery, the lack of special space for this little one we are able to carve out in the end God continues to remind me that is the last thing that matters. To set aside my pride of having a well decorated and put together home and focus on Him in those moments when the little things overwhelm me. Everything else will fall into place, it always does when my focus and intentions are right. So grateful for His grace and mercy.

Friday, June 29

June

As this month quietly closes up I'm grateful the Lord has been faithful. Through each event and there have been several He has given my husband or I the peace to push through. June is always a hectic month for us, we have six birthdays and father's day all in June. After this year we take that to only five. Birthdays unfortunately went by the wayside this year. Being 14 weeks pregnant and having everything crashing down around me, I know God was the only one that could of gotten me through. In the same day I found out my grandpa was dying, my mom needed to have another diagnostic mammogram and my husband needed to be tested for a genetic trait because I tested positive for it and it could of affected the baby. Less than a week later we got the email from our landlord stating our lease is up and we need to resign or move and our car's check engine light came on.

Being pregnant I couldn't have a glass of wine at the end of a rough week or even overeat with comfort food...it makes me sick. Ugly crying was out as every time I started to cry that hard I almost threw up. My husband thinks me being pregnant through the whole thing was a giant blessing...I had to process everything as it came with the Lord properly. No being stupid. I just couldn't. So with each new wave of stuff I cried out to God. While we still have some unanswered things that we continue to strive to listen to God for (money to move if we are supposed to or mold control if we are to stay here and money to fix the cars) through all of it He's been with me. I start to cry with every song that comes on about salvation because it's what gives me hope I'll see my grandpa again. I've realized his death is just the first of many I'll come to experience and that I've been blessed to not have been touched by it until 25.

I've come to realize that I can't always be there for everyone and trying to is just to much. Being pregnant has slowed me down and made me realize my body can't handle that type of emotional output any more. Being around family for one weekend took me two days to recover.

Waiting for test results to come back for my mom has never been easier when I'm also waiting to see if my baby is okay. I had to trust in God or at least try. I had to believe in healing or at least speak it out and hope in Him. I didn't see any other option and I'm thankful the Holy Spirit guided me to that conclusion. Both the baby and my mom are okay. My mom will need a check-up in 6 months just to double check everything is good. As each thing has been taken care of, looking back I know God will continue to present a solution to us for everything that comes. Two weeks after his 81st birthday my grandpa went to be with Jesus. It was quite and painless and in his sleep. Now his mind and body are whole and it's not goodbye forever, just for now. Thank you Lord for your promises!

With each thing that came my husband reminded me, He wouldn't let anything through that we couldn't handle. As I look back I wonder how we pissed off the devil and what big thing is next. I've learned every time we are attacked all at once there is a breakthrough waiting for us. Perhaps this one is simply us learning how much more we can handle and overcome. Spiritually, emotionally I feel stronger, older. I welcome July and usher June out quickly. Glad it is over. Thankful for a few days off to process everything. Grateful the Lord is ALWAYS faithful!

Sunday, June 17

So many things

1. I am so blessed and happy to be 13 weeks pregnant. It's our first, due December 22. While the first several months haven't been easy I know it's all worth it and looking forward to all the snuggles and smiles ahead with my little one!

2. Frustrated. Beyond actually, more into royally  ticked off. My grandma has gone to the same church for 32 years and with my grandpa on his death bed no one from that church has called or come by. I called the pastor thinking it was the right thing to do, my grandma probably wouldn't and it was something I could do to help. Nothing, he was rude and completely unfeeling. For a body of Christ to not  be supportive and surround her with love breaks my heart. To think I spent 19 years in that body and respected so many of the members, within the last week that has all gone out the window. When it comes down to it I'm not even angry, I'm more sad for every person in that body because they aren't being a body as Christ wanted them to be. Caring, there for one another, supportive. I'm praying for them because that's all I can do. Don't get me wrong I had those moments where I'd love to call the pastor back and shout but it would be disrespectful and wrong so instead I pray that hearts will be changed and minds opened to be more loving and supportive.

3. I've had all four of my grandparents an hour away or less for the last 25 years. They have always been there, birthday parties, holidays, and the random visit. I remember going over to my mom's parents all the time growing up. They have always lived about 20 minutes away. My dad's parents an hour or so on the coast. I realize now how rare that is to have all four so close, to have all four alive. It's something at times I've taken advantage of. It's something I often forget how precious it is. The only down side, is when at 25 you are finally faced with loosing one it's that much harder. Watching my grandpa, my mom's dad slowly leave this life almost fighting it even though he's not strong enough any more is heart breaking. I have this precious life inside me, another generation, and yet I feel so empty. What's even harder than the pain I, myself feel is watching my mom and grandma go through it. They've been married for 61 years. He's 81, she's 80. They married after 3 weeks of knowing each other. Both from different backgrounds. My grandma was raised poor...dirt poor. With only an 8th grade education she went to work in a dinner while her family picked whatever was in season in the orchards to make a living. Her money wasn't her own but the families for survival. She's strong and fit at about 5'4 she comes up to my chest. I out grew her in middle school. Her wavy short hair, beautiful clean complexion wouldn't tell you that she spent so much time as a kid in the sun. She still walks for miles every morning and does devotions for hours. She prays for the family. Regardless of whatever down falls she may have, to me even though we don't agree on theology she's been a pillar of faith I've looked up to. My grandpa wasn't poor, he wasn't raised rich either but a good solid middle American family. He was President Truman's paper boy. As a young man in the Army he was recognized by the President and invited over with some of his buddies for coffee. I'll always remember that story, he told it with such pride. Knowing us grand kids thought it was cooler than anything we had heard yet. Some day I'll show his picture to my kids and tell them that story. Pass a little of the grandpa I know and love so much on to them. My grandpa was always there, he didn't talk to often but when he did you knew in his own way he cared so much. I remember how he'd bop me on the butt or the top of the head with his Bible when he saw me at church on Sundays. How he'd sit in his little room we called it watching JAG, Walker Texas Ranger, westerns and golf tournaments. You would join him, sit in silence watching until he'd ask you a question. Usually something along the lines of how was school, how are your grades, etc. He was known to pay for A's, he stopped paying me after he realized the straight A's weren't going to stop. I always smiled at that, I enjoyed knowing he was proud of me. They had a big house on a decent chuck of land for most of my life, we'd have church picnics there. My grandpa would always get out the ice cream machine, the old crank one. Grandma would have the ingredients ready, he'd mix it and take it out. Stand around with some of the guys drinking beer and let us kids take turns turning it. My grandma would let us have a lick off the beater once it was done. I always felt safe around grandpa, his strong build. Grandma showed us all a picture of him in his 20's once, I think he was still in the army at the time. He looked like Captain America. The doctors have said 3-4 days. It's been 5, grandpa is stubborn, strong I think it will take longer. I told him yesterday we'd take care of grandma, he didn't need to worry about that anymore. He's had Alzheimer's for the last 5 years or so. I used to send card addressed to him by his first name, the papers say you shouldn't confuse them it gets them too excited. So I didn't. Yesterday when I sat with him for several hours I called him grandpa. I needed to. I'm not sure how much he understands anyway and I know he'd be okay with that, he'd understand. I'm grateful I know he's going to be with Jesus and that this isn't goodbye for ever but simply good bye for now. While it softens the pain it hasn't taken it away. God has granted me His joy through this time, His peace. Its enabled me to be strong, to keep the tears back for a bit. Now they flow, unable to stop at times. I'm sad my kids won't be able to know him. Won't be able to play, to run in the house and hear grandpa holler at them to stop. But they'll get to meet him someday and while I want that day to be a very very long time from now, I am grateful of the Lord's promises we'll see them again. He'll be perfect soon, his mind restored, his body complete. There isn't going to be a memorial service or a funeral. My grandma doesn't want one. So perhaps I'll create my own to say goodbye, eating his favorite ice cream. So grateful I've had 25 years with him.

Monday, January 9

Miscellany Monday

1. We hooked my laptop up to our big tv and put the tv back in the living room after starring at a pic of the mountains for a couple days I copied a fb friends pic of the beach. This is now what I see when I turn the tv on... so much better!
2. We had a great pastor visit the youth group we help out with last night. Great sermon, amazing words spoken over all of us! While my hubby and I don't think this church is a permanent home I am glad God has us there for now!

3. I finally got an invite to pinterest, I'm not sure I want to know how much time I've spent on there already. It's addicting! It's also really giving me a desire to redecorate our apt. I'm also praying in the near future we'll have a house to decorate.

4. I really want a house, I've been praying about it. I don't feel like we should buy yet but renting one would be nice. Hard wood floors, a fire place and a dishwasher and NO MOLD would be nice.

5. I grew up in the pacific northwest, I really really enjoy the beauty we have here but the constant dampness = mold in old apartments that don't have good seals on windows and aren't properly insulated. I'm considering buying stock in bleach!

6. I've been really good about taking my iron supplements and my energy level is finally back to normal! I can go and go and go, it's great! I'm still believing in God that one day soon I'll be able to stop taking them! I'm thankful I no longer want to sleep for 15 hours a day.

7. Thankful for the large bowl of fruit sitting on our dinning table and our determination to eat better. I'll still eat chocolate and chips but the desire to eat them is a lot less! Praise Jesus because I need His help lightening up on the carbs!

8. Excited for this Friday, working part time from home then the rest of the day off followed by an over-nighter with the junior and seniors at our church getting serious with God and what He's doing! Then lunch/dinner with friends and back home for Sunday service! Busy but oh so much fun! Oh and Monday off, Thank you Mr. King or whatever legislature member suggested it be a national holiday!

Wednesday, January 4

A Great Song

I want to share this song with all those who happen to read my blog. This version is not the version I heard. I still like the version Jimmy Needham did, quicker tempo but the tempo isn't what hit me it was the lyrics. So here is another version on YouTube that has the words and a heavy statement at the end. Take 8 minutes, listen and let me know how it impacts you!

Next Steps

Tonight I read through Matthew 14 and it jumped out at me...

"Peter said to Him, 'Lord if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.' And He said, 'Come!' And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened and beginning to sink..."

Since June of 2007 the year I graduated college and decided to not go on to law school I've been to a certain extent lost. The goal of attorney had been changed in my heart. I'm still not certain when, but I knew it was right. Looking back, I know it was God. Tonight as I was asking what are the next steps He brought that verse to my mind. When you're in a storm, uncertain of your next step don't look at the great gusts of wind, the down pour of rain, the waves trying to over take you. Instead focus all your might on Jesus. Do you think Peter was looking at the storm or watching his feet when he began to walk out on the water? No, because if he had he wouldn't of made it one step yet when he began to sink he was within the reach of Jesus. He had walked out father than one step because Peter was focused on Jesus, not on his own feet. It wasn't until Peter noticed what he was doing and took his eyes off of Jesus that he began to fall. Isn't that when we all begin to fall, when we become more enticed, more distracted by what is around us then the one person, one being we should be focused on, JESUS. That's what happened to me tonight. My incredibly patient husband had to verbally knock some sense into me. I became to focused on the "hard" stuff I have to do and the little "me time" I may get every night instead of focusing on what Jesus is trying to do in me. The calling He is trying to tell me about that He has for my life. That "hard" stuff when said out loud once the tears have departed and time has been spent in The Word sound so little, so dumb, so easy. Things like frustration at work, being away from home for 10 hours a day, overtime, burn out... Petty compared to what so many others go through, Petty compared to what Jesus went through.

As I take the next step, with the storm brewing around me I focus once again on Jesus. So thankful I am always within His reach and He always is reaching out to me in case I begin to sink. I pray that if your sinking, you'll feel the tender, strong hand of Jesus entwined in your fingers not letting you go. So thankful tonight for Matthew 14: 28 - 31

Monday, January 2

The First Monday

I'm going to try this, not sure how well I'll do or if I'll hit every Monday but out of all the things people post and the way people post Miscellaneous Monday has felt the most like me. Random, rambling and covering various topics all at one time.

1. I have quite a lot to do but wanted to start so here I am. I'm a master at procrastination.

2. My weekend started with unscheduled time and as things went we ended up spending new years with friends, shared a few special moments and like normal, us girls passed out multiple times before midnight.

3. Spent several hours watching our friends two adorable little girls. It was fun to babysit, letting the almost 4 year old "do" my hair...I said no to the pink boa though...still can't stand flaming pink.

4. So grateful that piano music relaxes me, so enjoy having it on in the background right now! Piano music and my new Sarah Hart Pearsons cd. Something about having it on in the background even if I'm not actively listening to it puts me at peace! She is definitely one anointed person!

5. Am so thankful and blessed that I have a girlfriend in my life again. One that I can share stuff with, one that shares stuff with me. That we compliment each other so well. So grateful of how God has orchestrated our friendship! So nice that I can spend 5 hours in a coffee shop gabbing with her long after the coffee cups are empty and multiple sets of people have come and go around us. Yes 5 hours, so glad I have someone that I can spend 5 hours with and it seems like 30 minutes.

Okay have to get back to the many other things before bed calls me to sleep.

Miscellany Monday @<br />lowercase letters