Thursday, February 21

Love Deepened

The last seven weeks have gone by too fast. I am having a rough time knowing my little boy will continue to grow and the time will never slow down. Time has been blurred, hours, days, weeks have gone by and flowed together. The goals of having habits reestablished, spiritual lives deeper, the apartment organized hasn't happened as well as we'd hoped. Yet for most of those things I've stopped caring. I have my moments where not having accomplished those things overwhelms me but I know the moments, hours I spent cuddling on the couch with James I'll never get back and I'll cherish. So I find myself approaching the dreaded Monday when I'll go back to work part-time, working my way up to full-time. Part of me is ready, the other part will never want to go back. Over the past seven weeks what has touched me most and filled my heart to the point I never thought it could go, is seeing my husband interact with our son. I've come to believe there is a special bond between husband and wife when a child is brought into the relationship. There is something there, indescribable, a new level between the two of you. My husband has softened, opened up, brightened up since James was born. I doubt he'd admit these things but I've seen them first hand. Tonight he sat and talked to James while watching a baseball documentary, the love that exuded out I can't put words to. The past seven weeks have been hardest on him I think. I've had two infections that resulted in an urgent care visit and a gall bladder attack which resulted in two nights away from them spent in the hospital going through surgery. I scared us both when I asked him to call 9-1-1 when I knew something wasn't right during the gall bladder attack. It all has turned out fine, better than fine. The Lord has provided everything! My hubby has had restless nights, little sleep getting up with James when I couldn't, changing diapers when bending over and lifting our now 11 lb. baby has been too much for me. He's done it all with so much love that there are times it brings me to tears. Over the past seven weeks my love has grown deeper for him, respect, admiration has grown. It's all deepened, intensified. 

It can be overwhelming at times, the thought that this little life is your responsibility. The sleep deprivation can cause snappy attitudes and short tempers sure, you have to be careful to catch yourself, to breath, to communicate. I'm so thankful that we had four years of marriage before James came to establish communication, respect, honor. Having a strong foundation that God built has made the sleep deprivation easier, the short tempers short lived. As I sit typing this out, trying to put all the emotions I've had over the last seven weeks down so I can remember them forever the realization that it's all been a gift from God hits me. No not the sickness and issues, those aren't from Him. What is from Him is the provision of love, joy, comfort, peace, financial. Every good thing that has happened has been from Him. The special bond between me and my husband because we now have a son, it's all His doing. The new aspects I'm seeing in my husband and in myself are all from Him. I give Him all the glory for softening us up, calming us down, opening us up. The last seven weeks has been our Dad giving us wonderful gifts because He loves us so much! The list of provision has been long and wonderful. The grace is far more than I can comprehend. I've felt how much the Lord loves us these past seven weeks. Not only has my love grown for my husband, my son but also for my God!

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