Saturday, July 27

Finding a New Groove

There are so many untold, not romantic, nothing like Hollywood stories that take place in a marriage. Some are awkward, others frustrating, most just down right funny. Hubby and I have had plenty of these, we'll hit five years in October and I'm sure we'll have plenty more. I think the hardest adjustment has been so far the first six months after James was born. We've always been great at communication, having almost two years of being best friends before dating/engagement/wedding helped that. We've always given each other the benefit of the doubt (key to any good marriage). We've shared and told each other the hard stuff, even when we knew it hurt the other because it was the truth. No secrets (except for each others birthday/Christmas gifts) is key. When James came along time, communication and sleep all seemed to fall into the giant black hole that is having a baby in the house.  You are so focused on caring for that little baby, you stop intentionally seeking out each other, caring for each other. This doesn't happen on purpose, with any bad intentions, it just happens. Along with making time to shower, eat, sleep, clean, you have to make time for relationship. You have to focus on your husband or wife and give even when you think it could be your last drip of energy. If each half of the marriage gives a 100% to the other half, both will get what they need. So after six months, a few tears, heated discussions (we don't really fight, or argue, just the occasional bickering followed by a long talk it out session) we are finding our new balance. Squeezing in time together to cuddle, talk, enjoy each other even if it means dishes don't get done or laundry is heaped in the corner of our bedroom. After all in years to come we won't remember the laundry or the dishes or even what we ate (cheesecake for dinner...bring it on...along with pepto). What we will remember are the laughs, hugs, smiles and good times. The pressure to be a perfect mom is out there, even if just sublimely not talked about, perhaps more in our own minds than actually existing. We have to redefine what perfect means in our heads. In mine it means time spent, laughter, hugs, sharing. James will know above all God loves and cares for him followed by mom and dad. He'll know grace and love because of how it's displayed in our home, which will help him better understand grace and love from God. I'll always dream for a dishwasher and a maid service but otherwise dishes be my guest, stack up. Laundry go for it, cover the laundry room and over flow from the baskets, laughter, smiles, good times I'll choose over you any time! Now just to remember I said this when the household stuff gets a little overwhelming. I'll have to print this out and stick it to the fridge. bahaha

1 comment:

  1. This is so true. I wish I learned it before my 5th Anniversary. You have such insight and have a wonderful life ahead of you!!