Sunday, July 21

No longer in my chest or on my sleeve

My heart is no longer in my chest or on my sleeve, it is now crawling around my living room, sitting next to me, trying to crawl up me and grab my hair. My little boy has my heart and he doesn't even know it. Every day I fight to not fear, to not worry, to cast everything upon the Lord. It's even harder now than it was before because that little boy has it. As my husband cuddled up with him tonight on our couch I couldn't help but cry. Silly, but a knot had formed in my throat and crying was the only way to get it to go away. I'm constantly researching different things related to his stage in growth and development, trying to figure out in all the research and new parenting techniques which is the right way. Was our parents way right, or is there something new, something better, or perhaps just something more us. Make as few mistakes as possible. I want him to have all the things I didn't, all the opportunities we can provide, all the experiences we can give him. Most of all I just want his life to be focused on God, centered on God. For that I know one of the biggest things is we as parents have to display our faith, talk about it with him even now. I came across a mama that lost her baby, just short of five months today on one of the boards I follow. SIDS is what they have dubbed it to be. I've prayed multiple times since then to combat the fear the devil tries to rise up in me. That will not be my little boy, he is healthy and strong. God is his protector, defender, and provider. Thanking God for protecting us, guiding us, and keeping us healthy and strong. As a mother, the devil has a new way to access us. He can use new avenues to try and get us that we haven't yet been exposed to until now. The thing he will never understand is how fierce we can get for our children. As long as I breath, my little boy will always be bathed in prayer. It's one of the greatest gifts I can give him, praying for him always and forever with great faith! Tonight I know my little boy will be just fine, every night to come I know he will be okay. I know because of the faith I have in Jesus and the promises He has given me. I praise Him for those promises and that peace tonight! So grateful to have such a wonderful Savor, such a wonderful Friend.

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