Thursday, January 23

Seeing Through The Fog

I feel as if I'm finally seeing clearly, still a little slow but clearer now. Through this whole horrible thing God has provided continual blessings, relief exactly when I needed and peace above all. It's amazing how people have blessed me through out this time, blessed my whole family. So many people to thank! God didn't give my mom cancer or take her before her time, that is a fallen sinful world where bad stuff happens to good people. God has however continued to show Himself throughout this time. He's provided for us, cared for us and hugged us through this whole thing. I wanted to share a few stories, this by no means is a full list of what all was/is being done for us but just a glimpse.

1. One of my high school teachers who I haven't seen in five plus years reached out to help. She put together the program and dropped off printed copies to our house so we didn't have to worry about it.

2. A college friend who drove over an hour in rush hour traffic just to give me a hug and tell me she is here for me at my mom's memorial service. I haven't seen her in over a year but as soon as she saw the news she reached out.

3. One of the girls from the group I led two years ago at our church paid for my grocery's today because she hadn't brought us a meal. Right there in the middle of Safeway I was on the verge of tears for how sweet and simple of an action that was that touched me down to my toes.

4. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law driving an hour plus in traffic and being there to support us. A total surprise again, totally unexpected and totally a blessing! 

5. This doesn't even begin to mention how my brother's best friend's mom (can you follow that) and my sister-in-law's mom decorated the church, organized the food with several ladies from the church that knew my mom and came over countless times to check on us kids.

I've had people ask me how I can get out of bed in the morning, how I can move forward. First and foremost, God. He's given me the strength to see through the fog, to crawl out of bed in the morning, to move even when I don't want to. Second my family. My little boy and hubby. Their smiles and my hubby's encouragement makes me smile in the times i want to cry and reminds me that she's in a better place when the darkness tries to take over. My younger brother (probably shouldn't call him little anymore now that he is a daddy) and his soon to be wife and days old little boy. I'm so blessed to have the three of them in my life and so blessed to know my brother has such an amazing woman in his life. She has left me speechless on more than one occasion. Her strength and determination throughout everything there are no words to describe how lucky I am to have her as a sister! Third, all the moments and actions of people that have stepped into my life during this time and blessed me in ways I never imagined. I have learned countless things through this whole experience. I'm sure I'll share most of them here. Most of all isn't what I've learned but of what has finally set in, hit home and truly settled into my heart and that is the Faithfulness of God. Even in the worst imaginable situation you can go through, God is with you. He NEVER leaves you! 

Saturday, January 11

She Walked Through The Gates Of Heaven

I was driving on the express lanes yesterday at 8am when I got the call. She was no longer on this earth with us. I had just finished listening to the song Praise You Through This Storm. God has been faithful to my family. His peace, love, joy and mercy are being showed to us like I have never felt before. She taught me how to be a mommy, how to nurture and love. I was so blessed to have her as my mommy for 27 years. We were all so blessed to have her with us for 52 years. My faith is strong, I will see her again. Praise Jesus for His promises, for a hope and a future.
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
 I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I'll see you again mama. I love you soo very much!
1/16/1961 to 1/10/2014