Tuesday, September 30

What will you really regret?

There has been more than one occasion I have started a post since my mom died of how loosing her has changed me. Each time I stop mid way through and delete it because it seems to cliche, to unbelievable. The changes have been subtle and started deep down, taking time as they emerge in various situations. I've seen a lot of posts about babies with sickness, moms asking for help. I've experienced frustration in my job. I've been overwhelmed at home due to our recent move.

When it comes to the end of the day I ask myself what will I really regret? Are two incomes so we can afford more material things but have less time with our son worth it? No, which is why we've chosen for my hubby to be a stay at home dad. My heart aches for mamas that have to take their kids to day care. The time hubby has with our son is something we'll never get back. It's also one thing I will never regret nor do I ever wish it to change. My work while I enjoy it is often times frustrating. Decisions are made I can't control or change, that in my head don't always make sense. I'm pretty sure this happens to everyone at some point in time in their work situation about something, even the small stuff. On the ride home every night I realize the frustration, and stress aren't worth it. I'll do my best, follow direction, give advice and recommendations but at the end of the day everything that has happened this week isn't worth it. A garage full of boxes, things in disarray around the house, finding new ways to organize. While it can be overwhelming I have a choice to make. I can say it doesn't matter, I can choose to not let it affect me. When it gets done, it gets done. We enjoy one day at a time together as a family. No matter what happens it's the time and experiences that matter the most. It's the words we share with each other, it's the laughs we encounter and the memories we make. Right now my husband is having the time of his life watching one of the MLB playoff game. Sports is his passion and after four years of not having cable because it was an extra we couldn't easily afford he is able to watch it again in his living room in our house. With my mom's death came a lot of sadness but even more then that it made real so many things God has tried to get across to me for the last 20 years. Things, stuff it all doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life. The only things I regret from losing my mom too soon are the moments I didn't make happen. She wanted to take our 6 month old to the zoo. I thought it was silly knowing he'd sleep for most of it. I didn't make it happen. It wasn't necessarily about him, it was about a moment for her. Life isn't about how many things we have, how big our savings is, or even the things that frustrate us and keep us making to do lists in our head late at night. Life is about the time we spend with the people we love most. After a frustrating day at work, I come home and enjoy my family. I attempt to keep the venting to a minimum. If we don't accomplish everything we hoped or planned I let it go. Our house is clean although it may be cluttered so who cares. Last night we held a dance party thanks to the many music channels our tv has. Tonight I dozed on the couch while my little boy woke me up climbing all over me and cuddling with me. My husband sitting next to me laughing and keeping an eye on things. We'll all remember the cuddles and time. We will never remember the laundry or dishes that had to be done. We live day by day as best we can enjoying each moment as God intended. In the end what will you really regret, the laundry left unfolded or the memories wasted?